LXXXI

Its pouring rain and has been so unpredictably all week.

Unpredictable would be a good word to describe this week and it all started with a lemonade and a very small, brown glass bottle. However before I even begin going into details, I am going to start by updating you all on the crochet front; the beginnings of my 'Flowers In The Snow' throw. I have just begun joining my circular discs using a neutral base 'Moonflower.' This is an organic DK yarn by Amy Butlers Belle collection and although I have not got very far yet, Im quite pleased with how well balanced the colours appear. Just for those wanting to see the full effect behind this project, along with the pattern, it can be found right here!

 Sometimes I feel the non-knit/crochet community forget the labour behind such projects, with half the time spent darning in odd ends, ironing work and even recrocheting pieces, so I tend to be far more enthused with my own progress than what people may consider to be normal!

Then again, what is normal?

And so I like to sit by this very window, overlooking the garden to which I understand was the pride and joy of a woman that once lived here. Its just beautiful on a clear blue day, spending my afternoons sitting upon the concrete steps, feeding the yarn through my fingers, usually until the begin to numb.
 I envisage this generous covering of merino to big enough for two, purposely designed for warm cuddles, cheeky kisses with a someone special, if ever I come across that right person. Single is fun, but it misses a richer and far deeper interconnectivity.

I miss the closeness, holding each others face and its so stupid too! Im never usually hasty to really 'feel', but it felt so natural, instantaneous and effortless to feel a reciprocal warmth like that, and I find that so difficult just to let it go - Just like that. Its like allowing the string of a kite reel to run straight through your hands as it floats upwards and away. I know now if nothing comes of it, as much as its an unsettling harsh reality (one of which I may decide to challenge) I have the etchings of him curled up beside me asleep, wrapped up as though i was his and had been. There was something so much more to it, why are men so willing to let it go. I just dont understand it, it feels inhuman. Really it does.

However, for the sake of my sanity, a large glass of sloe wine, along with late night sessions at the swimming pool and an indepth girly chat does wonders! I like to keep myself busy therefore with it being a Monday, I have a set of objectives I wish to achieve for the week:

• Drink at least 2 litres of water a day
• To drink no more than three cups of tea a day - I feel my teeth are becoming fairly susceptible to discolouration!
• To be confident with my decision making
• To book a hair cut / possibly a colour too!
• To make at least one persons day this week - could you be lucky!?

I shall report back with my successes!?

For now, I am about to enjoy a very large glass of sloe wine, mmm my favourite!

Take care everyone and have a productive week!

22.06.11

Seven Egg Monday

After a tiresome day at work; which today began by switching the power on and, to my horror, discovering a flickering light bulb  (this does not bode well for epileptics- allow your minds to conceptualize), what a dream it was arriving home to the smell of a richly baked cake..

 My (not so little) sister, (who is literally on the brink of overtaking me height-wise - which is a little embarrasing when you are twenty one and she is a whole six years younger), decided to pull out all the stops for her friends birthday. Unfortunately, having a birthday this time of year means there is a high possibility of spending birthday nights revisioning for the looming gcses in this case. Im very much doubting Ill be able to comment on it tasting as good as it smelt, although it certainly doesnt hurt to ask. With it being a seven egg monday too, im pretty certain she has used our chickens finest. Their yolks are a brightly coloured orange, tasting much richer and fresher than the ones at your local. I can only imagine how much richer theyve made the mixture! Far too much talk about cake, with not enough tasting is making me hungry so soon after dinner! I love the marbling effects going on too, almost a little work of art. 

Good work Sophie, she is going to love it - and if anything will make exam seasons a little less stressful, I think the meer, existing opportunity of enabling oneself to guzzle as much cake as possible - could well work :)

Stargazy Pie

I woke this morning to the sound of the rain, which felt strange.

 Sometimes I suppose its the case; that you don't notice something not happening for so long, that when it does, is the moment you embrace it. It felt refreshing to have a change of weather, which seemed suiting for a Sunday afternoon (plus felt good to know my cherished tomato's were getting a good drink too).

I've been feeling pretty heavy hearted over the last week, so I took some time last night to look over some of my favourite photos taken just a few weeks ago during a bank holiday trip down to Cornwall. And here they are...

 My favourite place to visit in Cornwall, is a little place very near the end called Gwenver Beach. Very secluded and tranquil, but stunningly beautiful. I can imagine if there ever becomes a time in my life, where things get too much, Id travel down to there for some time alone, to ponder over my troubles and allow myself to become immersed into the organic surroundings.

There's just something about Cornwall, the rustic stone houses, all salty smelling and weathered. It feels so calm and relaxed. Everyone looks a lot more chilled out and they smile more. There are some sights I had never seen before, such as this view in Mousehole (below). Though in the moment it felt like opening the pages of a book from the well known 'Mousehole Cat' my mum used to read to me when I was younger. A sense of childhood nostalgia definitely exists for me down here and its a wonderful feeling.

Just sometimes, its a dangerous thing having those special people in your life. It makes you want to keep everyone else at an arms length when they start hurting you. I could sit here all day, staring at the boats with a lingering smell of fish and chips trying to figure it out for myself, but its beyond comprehension. At least to me. I sometimes feel very alone and very exposed to the world. Its a shock when you are convinced they will always be there and you can take on anything together, then all of a sudden dynamics start changing and things go horribly wrong. Then I suppose you would feel very on your own.

Its hard sometimes to carry it all around with you and stay focused with a mission to try and achieve in this life. It feels highly unmotivating. Sometimes it helps to pretend to be an indispensable superwoman! Im not sure what powers Id have, but no problem would ever be too big to cope with. Superheros don't feel stressed, and they dont panic or feel anxiety, so I think for now, Id rather be a superwoman.
Perhaps I should try to adopt this alter ego more often, I think it'll do me the world of good! 

The Mousehole. A fantastic and friendly little place, with local artwork on show, home crafts with wonderful hand knits and beautifully tailored crochet projects, carefully produced "with love". If I had a spare few days, Id go back just to have another look around inside, its like an old fashioned sweet shop, with such unusual and quirky handcrafts on show, you're just not quite sure what to look at next.
I was very taken by a pair of crocheted baby booties, but for £22 each I kept a relatively safe distance! I had a lovely little chat with the lady inside who runs the shop and whose mother-in-law was the brains behind the gorgeous little boots, along with knitted hats and such things. Unfortunately there was not a pattern up for grabs, however I left feeling incredibly inspired!

...and of course, there was always time to enjoy a good cup of english tea, perfect on a typically muggy cornish afternoon. I loved the china cups too, which made me feel extremely civilized despite the fact I woke up on a campsite looking like I had run through a hedge backwards early that morning.

I will always have the memories and I should have that to be thankful for. I feel incredibly relunctant to let those that mean the most just to slip out of my life, but I cant help feeling Im causing myself more upset and hurt. What will be will be. However, the main objective was that I left Cornwall feeling happier and much more at peace with things and even managed to smile too :)

Things will get better. Have a great week everyone. And keep knitting!